I've been thinking about the issue we're discussing and, although I've not come to a firm conclusion yet, I have some preliminary thoughts.
Does God treat the unsaved elect and non-elect the same? No, he doesn't.
Jer. 31:3 (KJV) The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea,
I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.
This isn't wrath and condemnation (although they deserved those), nor does it apply to the non-elect.
2 Pet. 3:7-9
7 But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men.
8 But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.
9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but
is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
The Lord makes a distinction between the unsaved elect and the non-elect, treating us as "beloved" and being long-suffering
towards us, in a way that means that
we don't perish but all come to repentance. That the long-suffering shown the elect is different from that shown to the non-elect, is clear from verse 15.