Hey brother, This is a little better to understand what your trying to say. If you believe this, this is fine. But as I stated earlier the word says as long as I am in a state of unbelief. I am condemned.
If I am condemned, then by definition, I am still dead in Christ, I have not been made alive.
Again, I remember clearly 50 years ago
I remember when my father drove us into the parking lot of this church and said this will be our new home
I remember graduating to kindergarten which was held downstairs. I can remember the room we met in for Sunday school and church and I remember how the teachers would teach us the word, My Mother being one of them. I remember going by what they called the sanctuary, and every time I looked in thinking God is in there. and I remember eventually being afraid of that room, knowing if I went in that room, If God wanted to he could strike me dead. because I was a sinner and I deserved his judgment (romans 1 shows this in detail) this was a few years after I had been going, I can not remember my age, only I was a young scared kid that was learning there is more to this life and universe than just what I am seeing
I remember sitting in my room every night for weeks crying out to God because I did not want to go to hell. but I did not understand even what that means (As A kid I would draw on my walls. i can even remember vividly some of the things that were on my walls) I remember finally getting the courage after I was allowed to go into the "sanctuary" with my parents on Sunday evening service. taking the stand and walking slowly up to the pastor. When he asked me what I wanted. I said I wanted to go to heaven to be with God and wanted to know I was definitely going there. He called a deacon up. who took me in the side room, which was a library of sorts and the room where the males in the church would go to change for getting baptized. And I remember him walking me through the word step by step giving me the gospel story from my sin, my rebellion. to the means of salvation paid for by the cross. When he finished. he asked if I wanted to know more. if I have any questions. If I wanted to wait. or if I was ready to make a decision. I did not hesitate I was ready
I got on my knees and cried out. It was at THAT MOMENT that something changed. I not only felt it within me I also felt it about me. My mind changed, My heart changed, My confidence changed, and my knowledge changed (things I did not understand before. I now had an understanding, things about God made sense, the reason for the flood made sense. things i had learned over the years in Sunday school that I had questions about. suddenly came into focus and I understood.
I remember the joy I had, (I remember the passage that says remember your first love, or that time when you first came, I think of this often when I am struggling. remember what God did for you)
this change did not happen before I had faith, it did not happen before the deacon spoke to me, It did not happen before I got on my knees, it happened after, after I said AMEN. After I opened my eyes as a new creature in Christ.
so again, if it helps you to think that what you said happened, that's great. Feel free to believe this way.. Feel free to tell yourself this is true. I have no problem with that. and as
@Carbon said. I will not judge you for that. I just do not agree, and wanted to share what I see and what I experienced.
God bless you