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Since there is no category yet, on this site, for funny personal experiences, I'm hiding this story I love to tell, under the cover of its theological implications, that to me seem unavoidably obvious that freewill is not all it's cracked up to be.
From time to time an odd phenomenon pokes its nose into my business. I first really became aware of it in 3rd grade, when I got lost in Miami. I remember wondering how was it possible that my mind was working just fine, yet my body was in abject panic, and wouldn't listen to a word I said! Again, when as a kid, I read CS Lewis, in the first book of his Space Trilogy, writing of a wanderer in distress who comforts himself, something like, "We'll stand by you, old boy!" I realized then that I could identify with that.
A few years ago I was on an assignment, sent halfway around the world to Thailand. I knew that I would be tired out from about 48 hours with no sleep, and my internal time-clock all screwed up, and that 6 hours after arriving, I would have to be ready to go to work, cogent and alert. So I brought Melatonin sleeping pills with me.
Upon checking in at my hotel --FANCY fancy hotel, too! Huge lobby, marble floors and so many columns that you couldn't see from one end to the other, except by standing in certain places; desk off to the left of the lobby side wall-- the concierge takes my luggage in hand and beckons me to follow him. He shows me how you need a keycard to get into the elevator, or even to go from the stairwell into any floor. We go up to the fifth floor, and he takes me to my room, shows me how the keycard must be slid into its slot in the wall in order for the lights to work, and if it is removed the lights all go out after a fifteen second delay. He shows me the huge bathroom, all glass walls, and how from the tub I could see the rest of the room, including the huge TV.
As soon as the concierge was gone, I took 30 mg of Melatonin --(3 is usually enough to do me)-- and that should've been it, but I saw how DEEP the bathtub was --so deep that I had to be careful climbing over the edge to avoid grievous damage to my worldview-- and I couldn't resist. I filled it with water, but it was too hot, so I drained some of it and ran cold water; the whole time drinking from the minibar (stocked fridge) --I thought it wise to assure that I would fall asleep instead of mind-racing the few hours remaining to me. I placed a few more cocktails on the rim of the tub, on the side where I could look over and see the rest of my room, the TV and so on. As I drank them, I became slowly aware that the water in the tub was still much too hot, and that it was making me feel sick, so I finished my drinks and climbed out, my brain heavy-laden. On my way to the bed, I took the keycard out of its slot and 'fell out' onto the bed, buck naked, and knew no more.
About 5 am, Thailand time, I woke up with an urgent and immediate need to relieve myself, and groping about in the dark, I found the bathroom door, opened it and went in, wondering why the lights were on. As the door closed behind me, I felt, more than heard, a very distinct, "You %*&$#@! IDIOT! NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" I had no idea what I was getting after myself about, and remained puzzled as to what had happened, when I realized that the door had locked behind me, and I could not get back into the bedroom. So I'm standing there, looking about, wondering where the toilet was! I finally decide that I had somehow gotten outside my CAMPER (in the USA), of all things, and that the door was locked behind me, but, I saw, there was a small utility closet door just to my left. I opened that door to see pipes and valves and gauges and a very narrow space to the side, but I told myself, "FOOL! You should very well know there is no way to get around that into your room! But I'm not the one to make your decisions for you, and more's the pity, because I'm only an adviser, but %$*(#@! you are a fool!" I retorted, "Well, maybe, at least I can take a leak over there to the side!" --(I really had to go --BAD)-- "Go ahead, fool! But you know there will be awful consequences! Not the least of which will be public shame!" So I relented.
I thought, "There is another door into my camper toward the back", so I went there and tried it. No-go. Then I realized, "I know where I am --I'm at the Storage Units! I'm in an indoor hallway, with rows of doors to each side, but MAN! what a storage facility! --carpeted floor, sconce lights by each door on wallpapered walls, digital door locks with a key card slot.".....then finally, after wandering the hall for a while to collect intelligence, "OH! (DUH!) Now I know where I am. Standing here in my hotel fifth floor hallway, locked out of my room, and buck naked!" "Well, finally! You utter FOOL! So NOW what are you going to do???" I told myself that, obviously, I had to get the check-in desk to bring up another keycard, but there was no phone available, mine being locked behind that door. I finally said, "Well, there's nothing for it but to face the music." "...Ya THINK???" (I don't know why that guy is always shouting at me). I remembered then, that if I was going to get into the elevator or even the stairwell, I could not get back up to my floor. But if I delayed much longer, other guests would be waking up, and find me standing there in all my pot-bellied glory. So I hurried unenthusiastically to the elevators and there, across the hallway from the elevators was a table, with--thank God!--newspapers! I grabbed two and put one in front and one behind, (while within myself, I heard someone laughing to derision), and so I went down to the lobby.
At street level, I put my head out the opening door, looking right, looking left, seeing nobody, and crept to the opening into the lobby, thanking God that I could not see anybody nor even see the street outside. I decided I needed to call out, though they probably had been, the whole staff, in the security room watching the monitors and laughing themselves sick. I yelled quietly, urgently, "Hello?" This I repeated maybe 10 times over the next hour or two that probably only marked 5 minutes on the clock. At one point, down the gap between the last row of columns and the wall where the desk was, a young lady walked very deliberately across into the opening at the check-in, not looking my way nor in any way acknowledging my presence.
A minute or so later the original concierge appears from nowhere, holding a keycard in front of him like a talisman, and directs me to the elevator. We go in and he says, in very broken English, a foreign look on his face, "Late night, last night, eh?". I don't remember answering, but I remember hearing myself laughing at me in my head.
I chose not to stand in the opposite corner of the elevator from him --I mean, I didn't want to be weird, y'know,-- so, I stood opposite the door from him, pressing as hard as I could into the wall behind me to avoid standing uncomfortably close, all the while remaining nonchalant. I noticed him talking unintelligibly, pointing my way and at the door, which was not closing and which I wished very much to close. It took a bit before I realized there was a row of buttons behind me and my, er, newspaper was pressing against the 'Door Open' button. I relinquished my position, thinking, "This would be really embarrassing, if I was not drunk."
The rest of the story is uneventful; no guests saw me, to my knowledge; he got me to my room and I found my keycard, and finally, in the bathroom, the voice, again, "And who do you think held your pee for you, all this time, Fool ???"
I have yet to find the video on YouTube, but, who knows...
From time to time an odd phenomenon pokes its nose into my business. I first really became aware of it in 3rd grade, when I got lost in Miami. I remember wondering how was it possible that my mind was working just fine, yet my body was in abject panic, and wouldn't listen to a word I said! Again, when as a kid, I read CS Lewis, in the first book of his Space Trilogy, writing of a wanderer in distress who comforts himself, something like, "We'll stand by you, old boy!" I realized then that I could identify with that.
A few years ago I was on an assignment, sent halfway around the world to Thailand. I knew that I would be tired out from about 48 hours with no sleep, and my internal time-clock all screwed up, and that 6 hours after arriving, I would have to be ready to go to work, cogent and alert. So I brought Melatonin sleeping pills with me.
Upon checking in at my hotel --FANCY fancy hotel, too! Huge lobby, marble floors and so many columns that you couldn't see from one end to the other, except by standing in certain places; desk off to the left of the lobby side wall-- the concierge takes my luggage in hand and beckons me to follow him. He shows me how you need a keycard to get into the elevator, or even to go from the stairwell into any floor. We go up to the fifth floor, and he takes me to my room, shows me how the keycard must be slid into its slot in the wall in order for the lights to work, and if it is removed the lights all go out after a fifteen second delay. He shows me the huge bathroom, all glass walls, and how from the tub I could see the rest of the room, including the huge TV.
As soon as the concierge was gone, I took 30 mg of Melatonin --(3 is usually enough to do me)-- and that should've been it, but I saw how DEEP the bathtub was --so deep that I had to be careful climbing over the edge to avoid grievous damage to my worldview-- and I couldn't resist. I filled it with water, but it was too hot, so I drained some of it and ran cold water; the whole time drinking from the minibar (stocked fridge) --I thought it wise to assure that I would fall asleep instead of mind-racing the few hours remaining to me. I placed a few more cocktails on the rim of the tub, on the side where I could look over and see the rest of my room, the TV and so on. As I drank them, I became slowly aware that the water in the tub was still much too hot, and that it was making me feel sick, so I finished my drinks and climbed out, my brain heavy-laden. On my way to the bed, I took the keycard out of its slot and 'fell out' onto the bed, buck naked, and knew no more.
About 5 am, Thailand time, I woke up with an urgent and immediate need to relieve myself, and groping about in the dark, I found the bathroom door, opened it and went in, wondering why the lights were on. As the door closed behind me, I felt, more than heard, a very distinct, "You %*&$#@! IDIOT! NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" I had no idea what I was getting after myself about, and remained puzzled as to what had happened, when I realized that the door had locked behind me, and I could not get back into the bedroom. So I'm standing there, looking about, wondering where the toilet was! I finally decide that I had somehow gotten outside my CAMPER (in the USA), of all things, and that the door was locked behind me, but, I saw, there was a small utility closet door just to my left. I opened that door to see pipes and valves and gauges and a very narrow space to the side, but I told myself, "FOOL! You should very well know there is no way to get around that into your room! But I'm not the one to make your decisions for you, and more's the pity, because I'm only an adviser, but %$*(#@! you are a fool!" I retorted, "Well, maybe, at least I can take a leak over there to the side!" --(I really had to go --BAD)-- "Go ahead, fool! But you know there will be awful consequences! Not the least of which will be public shame!" So I relented.
I thought, "There is another door into my camper toward the back", so I went there and tried it. No-go. Then I realized, "I know where I am --I'm at the Storage Units! I'm in an indoor hallway, with rows of doors to each side, but MAN! what a storage facility! --carpeted floor, sconce lights by each door on wallpapered walls, digital door locks with a key card slot.".....then finally, after wandering the hall for a while to collect intelligence, "OH! (DUH!) Now I know where I am. Standing here in my hotel fifth floor hallway, locked out of my room, and buck naked!" "Well, finally! You utter FOOL! So NOW what are you going to do???" I told myself that, obviously, I had to get the check-in desk to bring up another keycard, but there was no phone available, mine being locked behind that door. I finally said, "Well, there's nothing for it but to face the music." "...Ya THINK???" (I don't know why that guy is always shouting at me). I remembered then, that if I was going to get into the elevator or even the stairwell, I could not get back up to my floor. But if I delayed much longer, other guests would be waking up, and find me standing there in all my pot-bellied glory. So I hurried unenthusiastically to the elevators and there, across the hallway from the elevators was a table, with--thank God!--newspapers! I grabbed two and put one in front and one behind, (while within myself, I heard someone laughing to derision), and so I went down to the lobby.
At street level, I put my head out the opening door, looking right, looking left, seeing nobody, and crept to the opening into the lobby, thanking God that I could not see anybody nor even see the street outside. I decided I needed to call out, though they probably had been, the whole staff, in the security room watching the monitors and laughing themselves sick. I yelled quietly, urgently, "Hello?" This I repeated maybe 10 times over the next hour or two that probably only marked 5 minutes on the clock. At one point, down the gap between the last row of columns and the wall where the desk was, a young lady walked very deliberately across into the opening at the check-in, not looking my way nor in any way acknowledging my presence.
A minute or so later the original concierge appears from nowhere, holding a keycard in front of him like a talisman, and directs me to the elevator. We go in and he says, in very broken English, a foreign look on his face, "Late night, last night, eh?". I don't remember answering, but I remember hearing myself laughing at me in my head.
I chose not to stand in the opposite corner of the elevator from him --I mean, I didn't want to be weird, y'know,-- so, I stood opposite the door from him, pressing as hard as I could into the wall behind me to avoid standing uncomfortably close, all the while remaining nonchalant. I noticed him talking unintelligibly, pointing my way and at the door, which was not closing and which I wished very much to close. It took a bit before I realized there was a row of buttons behind me and my, er, newspaper was pressing against the 'Door Open' button. I relinquished my position, thinking, "This would be really embarrassing, if I was not drunk."
The rest of the story is uneventful; no guests saw me, to my knowledge; he got me to my room and I found my keycard, and finally, in the bathroom, the voice, again, "And who do you think held your pee for you, all this time, Fool ???"
I have yet to find the video on YouTube, but, who knows...
