We need a Humor in Church Section

[Bluedragon]

Example ..... My Pastor was an Umpire on our Football Officiating Crew. One night he asked ...

"Ray, why are you doing Semi Pro Football?"

"I needed to expand my vocabulary."

"What?"

"I've never heard most of those four letter words said on those sidelines."

"Just don't use them in the Choir loft."

"Deal"

 

[donadams]

Psychics convention cancelled due to “unforeseen” circumstances!

Bankers convention cancelled due to lack of “interest”!

 

[donadams]

A man gave a dollar to his little boy to put in the collection, but the boy gave it to the preacher, he said I wanted you to have it cos my dad says your the poorest preacher we have ever had!

 

[Mercy_Shown]

A strict protestant man demanded that his daughter never date or marry a Catholic but as fate would have it, she met and fell in love with a nice catholic young man. When the dad found out, he was livid, and in rage, he demanded that she never see this young man again.

So they stopped seeing each other openly, but when the dad left for work, she would sneak him into the apartment they lived in on the 5th floor if it was a high-rise. She would cook him a nice breakfast before they both had to leave for work. This went on for some time until the dad became suspicious.

So one day the dad pretended to go to work but waited just around the corner and sure enough, he soon spied the young man entering the apartment building. The dad waited about 10 minutes and then went charging up to the fifth floor, stuck his key in the door, and jammed it around until it turned in the keyhole. He wrenched open the door and burst into the room shouting, "Ah hah!" only to find his daughter alone looking out the window at the pigeons.

"I know he is in here," the dad shouted as he began searching the apartment, turning over tables, upending beds, and tossing chairs. After he had dismantled the place and found no one but His daughter, his fury boiled over and he picked up the refrigerator and threw it at his daughter with all its might where it struck her and crashed through the window falling into the street.

Saint Peter grabbed his clipboard and headed for the gatehouse. He was mildly surprised to see only 3 people in line. Maybe this would be a light day. He scooted onto his stool and peered through the window. "Name please,"

"Nancy, Jingle", whispered the girl peering back at him.

"How did you die?" Continued Saint Peter scribbling on his clipboard.

"I was minding my own business watching some pigeons when this refrigerator came flying out of nowhere and hit me in the back of my head."

"Wow," muttered the small man behind her.

"What was that?" asked Saint Peter, "Do you have something to say?"

"Me? No not really, it's just that I was walking down the street and a refrigerator came flying out of the sky and--well here I am."

Saint Peter looked startled, "What about you, young man?" He directed the question to the last man in line.

"Well--er--well," the young man stuttered nervously, " Well, you see I was minding my own business just sitting inside this refrigerator..."

 

[Josheb]

One day Jesus and Moses were out golfing and halfway through the course they came upon a hole with a large lake in the middle of the fairway. Moses teed up his ball and smacked it hard but despite what looked like sufficient flight the ball dropped into the lake. Jesus offered to retrieve the ball but Moses said, "No, no, Jesus, I got this." I'll simply walk down and part the water, walk across the dry land, pick up the ball, and give it another try." And that is exactly what he did. Having retrieved his ball, he teed it up again and hit it again and this time it sailed over the lake and landed comfortably within easy shot of the flag.

Jesus then teed up his ball and hit it and it too looked like it was going to sail past the lake but it, too, dropped in. Moses offered to retrieve the ball as he'd previously done with his won and in service to his Lord, but Jesus said, "No, no, I hit it, I'll go get it." He then walked down the fairway and out onto the water, looking around from atop the water until he found the ball, and upon finding it he reached in and pulled out the ball. He then walked back up to the tee, teed up the ball, hit it again - this time with greater might - but the ball again dropped into the lake. Moses again offered to retrieve the ball and, again, Jesus declined the offer and walked out on top of the lake and retrieved his ball for a second time. Jesus then walked back, re-teed the ball, hit it a third time and, again, the ball dropped into the lake. He again walked down the afirway and out on top of the lake to retrieve his ball but this time another group of golfers walked up behind Moses and gasped, "What?!?!? Who does thatguy think he is, Jesus?" was their chorused outburst. To which Moses replied,


"Oh, that is Jesus, but he thinks he's Scottie Scheffler."










(feel free to insert the name of any great golfer. Rory Mcilroy, Phil Mikkelson, Tiger Woods, etc. The first time I heard the joke it was with Arnold Palmer)
.

 

[Josheb]

An elderly woman began praying the "Hail Mary" at her bedside one morning when Jesus appeared. Glimpsing up to see Jesus the woman bowed her head and continued to pray, "Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou..." Jesus interrupted her and said, "Woman, I have come to speak to you," but the elderly woman continued reciting the prayer. When she finished Jesus again said, "Madame, I have come to speak to you," but the woman continued reciting the prayer again, and concluding the prayer a second time she again repeated it. Jesus waited patiently for her to finished but after several repetitions he again said, this time in a slightly louder voice, "I have come to talk to you." To which the elderly woman replied.....


"Be quite and don't interrupt me. I'm talking to your mother!"