Commandment #5 ~ “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.

[Rella]

This is considered to be the fifth commandment in the Protestant view of things.

Listed before though shall not murder, commit adultery, steal, false witnessing, or coveting.... So would seem to be an extremely important one (yes all are) based on the order in the list.

How does one handle that if there has been abuse in ones life?

Not necessarily physical or sexual , but by controlling verbal and by attitude.

Opinions please.... and note, there can be no wrong answers here IMO.

 

[JIM]

Someone, I don't remember who, once said that we are told to love God, to love our neighbors, to love ourselves. Nowhere in the Bible are we told to love our parents. We are told to honor them. There is a difference between loving them or even hating them and honoring them. I won't go any further than that.

 

[Fred]

Nowhere in the Bible are we told to love our parents. We are told to honor them.

In honoring them we love them, but this love is not to contradict the love for God (Matthew 10:37).

 

[Arial]

This is considered to be the fifth commandment in the Protestant view of things.

Listed before though shall not murder, commit adultery, steal, false witnessing, or coveting.... So would seem to be an extremely important one (yes all are) based on the order in the list.

How does one handle that if there has been abuse in ones life?

Not necessarily physical or sexual , but by controlling verbal and by attitude.

Opinions please.... and note, there can be no wrong answers here IMO.

Good question and a hard one. Maybe this will help wade through the implications of how we are to feel about abusive parents and how we are to act towards them. Most times in the OT the word is some form of kabod.
The root of kabod [d/b'K] literally means heavy or weighty. The figurative meaning, however, is far more common: "to give weight to someone." To honor someone, then, is to give weight or to grant a person a position of respect and even authority in one's life. A person grants honor most frequently on the basis of position, status, or wealth, but it can and should also be granted on the basis of character.

So we would have respect for them and treat them respectfully simply because they are the parents God gave us, and their position as our parents, not on the basis of what they had or had not done.

 

[donadams]

This is considered to be the fifth commandment in the Protestant view of things.

Listed before though shall not murder, commit adultery, steal, false witnessing, or coveting.... So would seem to be an extremely important one (yes all are) based on the order in the list.

How does one handle that if there has been abuse in ones life?

Not necessarily physical or sexual , but by controlling verbal and by attitude.

Opinions please.... and note, there can be no wrong answers here IMO.

And I always thought it was number 4!

Why is it 5 in the Protestant view?
What is that based on?

Thanks

Ten Commandments

Ex 20

Scripture has no list (1, 2, 3, etc.) of the Ten Commandments

According to subject matter or context:

First commandment: ex 20:2-6
One God

Second commandment: ex 20:7
God’s name

Third commandment: ex 20:8-11
God’s sabbath

Fourth commandment: ex 20:12
Parents

Fifth commandment: ex 20:13
Murder

Sixth commandment: ex 20:14
Adultery

Seventh commandment: ex 20:15
Theft

Eighth commandment: ex 20:16
Lying

Ninth commandment: ex 20:17
Coveting

Separating the two about coveting makes Ten Commandments!

 

[Soyeong]

This is considered to be the fifth commandment in the Protestant view of things.

Listed before though shall not murder, commit adultery, steal, false witnessing, or coveting.... So would seem to be an extremely important one (yes all are) based on the order in the list.

How does one handle that if there has been abuse in ones life?

Not necessarily physical or sexual , but by controlling verbal and by attitude.

Opinions please.... and note, there can be no wrong answers here IMO.

The principles of first five of the Ten Commandments parallel the principles of the last five, but are expressed differently when in regard to our vertical relationships with our creators or our horizontal relationships with our neighbors, which reveals the correct way to number the Ten Commandments. For example, the 2nd Commandment against idolatry is to our relationship with God what the 7th Commandment against adultery is to our neighbor.

The 5th Commandment to honor our parents is parallel to the 10th Commandment against coveting in our hear based on the principle of being commanded to value ourselves. If someone thinks that what their parents created is of great value, then they will honor them, but if they think that what their parents created is of no value, then they will not honor them. Someone who curses their parents is expressing that they wish that they had never been created, which is why that carries the death penalty. Likewise, when we covet someone else we are wishing that we were them and are placing no value on ourselves. As such, the 5th Commandment is not commanding us to do anything that would devalue ourselves, such by doing something that would cause physical or emotional harm.

 

[Rella]

And I always thought it was number 4!

Why is it 5 in the Protestant view?
What is that based on?

Thanks

Ten Commandments

Ex 20

Scripture has no list (1, 2, 3, etc.) of the Ten Commandments

According to subject matter or context:

First commandment: ex 20:2-6
One God

Second commandment: ex 20:7
God’s name

Third commandment: ex 20:8-11
God’s sabbath

Fourth commandment: ex 20:12
Parents

Fifth commandment: ex 20:13
Murder

Sixth commandment: ex 20:14
Adultery

Seventh commandment: ex 20:15
Theft

Eighth commandment: ex 20:16
Lying

Ninth commandment: ex 20:17
Coveting

Separating the two about coveting makes Ten Commandments!

The Ten Commandments​ Following are the Ten Commandments listed in Exodus 20 as given to the Children of Israel at Mount Sinai. The Ten Commandments are also found in Deuteronomy 5. After you have read these Commandments, you can test yourself with this Ten Commandment test. And God spake all these words, saying, I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. 1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. 2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments. 3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain. 4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it. 5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. 6. Thou shalt not kill. 7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. 8. Thou shalt not steal. 9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. 10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s. The second commandment that the Protestants follow are from the Hebrew/English interlinear. Where it reads in Hebrew.... in the earth or that [is]､ above in heaven that [is] likeness [of anything] or any ､ a carved image for yourself You shall make NOT 4 And in the Septuagint LXX this is the completion of what is written there. for the 10. Those in RED are the actual commandments and as one can see Honoring the parents is number #5 here also. With quite an expansion on Commandment # 2 Exodus 20​ 1 And the Lord spoke all these words, saying: 2 I am the Lord thy God, who brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. 3 Thou shalt have no other gods beside me. 4 Thou shalt not make to thyself an idol, nor likeness of anything, whatever things are in the heaven above, and whatever are in the earth beneath, and whatever are in the waters under the earth. 5 Thou shalt not bow down to them, nor serve them; for I am the Lord thy God, a jealous God, recompensing the sins of the fathers upon the children, to the third and fourth generation to them that hate me, 6 and bestowing mercy on them that love me to thousands , and on them that keep my commandments. 7 Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord thy God will not acquit him that takes his name in vain. 8 Remember the sabbath day to keep it holy. 9 Six days thou shalt labour, and shalt perform all thy work. 10 But on the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God; on it thou shalt do no work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy servant nor thy maidservant, thine ox nor thine ass, nor any cattle of thine, nor the stranger that sojourns with thee. 11 For in six days the Lord made the heaven and the earth, and the sea and all things in them, and rested on the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the seventh day, and hallowed it. 12 Honour thy father and thy mother, that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest live long on the good land, which the Lord thy God gives to thee. 13 Thou shalt not commit adultery. 14 Thou shalt not steal. 15 Thou shalt not kill. 16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. 17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife; thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house; nor his field, nor his servant, nor his maid, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any of his cattle, nor whatever belongs to thy neighbour.

 

[fastfredy0]

Honor the aspect(s) of one's parents that are honorable. They fed you; honor (deep respect) that. They lied to you; don't honor that. There will be 'grey areas'.

 

[donadams]

Rella

Ex 20 has no list of commandments?
No list?
I don’t have access to any sept or LXX

Exodus 20

Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition
20 And the Lord spoke all these words:​

2 I am the Lord thy God, who brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.
3 Thou shalt not have strange gods before me.
4 Thou shalt not make to thyself a graven thing, nor the likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or in the earth beneath, nor of those things that are in the waters under the earth.
5 Thou shalt not adore them, nor serve them: I am the Lord thy God, mighty, jealous, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me:
6 And shewing mercy unto thousands to them that love me, and keep my commandments.
7 Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain: for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that shall take the name of the Lord his God in vain.
8 Remember that thou keep holy the sabbath day.
9 Six days shalt thou labour, and shalt do all thy works.
10 But on the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: thou shalt do no work on it, thou nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy beast, nor the stranger that is within thy gates.
11 For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, and the sea, and all things that are in them, and rested on the seventh day: therefore the Lord blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it.
12 Honour thy father and thy mother, that thou mayest be longlived upon the land which the Lord thy God will give thee.
13 Thou shalt not kill.
14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.
15 Thou shalt not steal.
16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house: neither shalt thou desire his wife, nor his servant, nor his handmaid, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is his.

Exodus 20

King James Version​

2 I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.

3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lordthy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

6 And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

7 Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

8 Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

9 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:

10 But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:

11 For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

13 Thou shalt not kill.

14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.

15 Thou shalt not steal.

16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

These have numbers for verses but not for commandments

Ten Commandments

Ex 20

Scripture has no list (1, 2, 3, etc.) of the Ten Commandments

According to subject matter or context:

First commandment: ex 20:2-6
One God

Second commandment: ex 20:7
God’s name

Third commandment: ex 20:8-11
God’s sabbath

Fourth commandment: ex 20:12
Parents

Fifth commandment: ex 20:13
Murder

Sixth commandment: ex 20:14
Adultery

Seventh commandment: ex 20:15
Theft

Eighth commandment: ex 20:16
Lying

Ninth commandment: ex 20:17
Coveting

Separating the two about coveting makes Ten Commandments!

Thanks

 

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Honor the aspect(s) of one's parents that are honorable. They fed you; honor (deep respect) that. They lied to you; don't honor that. There will be 'grey areas'.

It's not that kind of honor. The verse is talking about financial support.

 

[fastfredy0]

It's not that kind of honor. The verse is talking about financial support.

We disagree and therefore our answers to the thread are at odds. So be it.

 

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

We disagree and therefore our answers to the thread are at odds. So be it.

I don't mind disagreeing, but it does prompt me to explain why I read it the way I do.

That word honour... in Hebrew it is כָּבַד (Kabad)

1. (Hiphil)
   1. to make heavy
   2. to make heavy, make dull, make unresponsive
   3. to cause to be honoured

In Old Testament times, money was measured in terms of its weight (rather than volume, or face value). The temple Shekel (שֶׁקֶל), for instance, is a unit of weight. Any useful metal of the appropriate weight is a "shekel" and they are measured with scales.

So I read the commandment as telling us to "make our parents heavy" or to "carry them," and since weight and money are the same idea in Hebrew, I understand that "weight" to be financial support.

Finally, this makes good sense out of the second half of the verse - "that your days may be long upon the land." If every person financially supports their parents, then everyone will be sustained in their retirement, and they will literally be able to live longer.

-Jarrod

 

[fastfredy0]

Re: Honor your mother and father


Premise 1: A son has no money
Premise 2:

It's not that kind of honor. The verse is talking about financial support.

Conclusion1: no poor person can follow God's command to honor their mother and father
Conclusion2: Sucks to be a poor person using your interpretation.

 

[Josheb]

This is considered to be the fifth commandment in the Protestant view of things.

Listed before though shall not murder, commit adultery, steal, false witnessing, or coveting.... So would seem to be an extremely important one (yes all are) based on the order in the list.

How does one handle that if there has been abuse in ones life?

Not necessarily physical or sexual , but by controlling verbal and by attitude.

Opinions please.... and note, there can be no wrong answers here IMO.

Honor is not identical to obedience. Offspring is not identical to children (adult offspring are not children). Living under a parent's roof as an adult comes with certain obligations but many of these can be negotiated. Abuses of what has been agreed upon are not going to be discussable with abusive parents, and it's not likely they'll respond to elder or pastoral witness and counsel.

So....

Get a job, save your money, and honor your parents by moving out of their abusive house as soon as possible.

 

[Josheb]

Are the abusive parents Christians?

If so, then is the command to honor parents being abused by the abusive parents?

If the commandment is being abused to force you to do things not entailed by the commandment, then it's likely the offspring honoring the parent is not the problem, but the parent honoring the offspring.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not antagonize your children, so that they will not become discouraged.

.

 

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Premise 1: A son has no money

No money was needed. They grew their own food.

Conclusion1: no poor person can follow God's command to honor their mother and father
Conclusion2: Sucks to be a poor person using your interpretation.

Every tribe and clan was allocated lands in Israel as an inheritance. Those lands could not be permanently sold, due to Jubilee laws. It could be reasonably expected that any family that had members willing to work would be able to feed itself. And they didn't have property taxes!

Did you think it was written to you?

 

[fastfredy0]

Did you think it was written to you?

Well, I thought the commandment to honor your father and mother was for everyone .. not just me.

You present an interesting interpretation. So you're saying the commandment to love your father and mother is not applicable to you and I?

 

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

You present an interesting interpretation. So you're saying the commandment to love your father and mother is not applicable to you and I?

That... isn't the commandment we were discussing.

 

[John Bauer]

How does one handle the command to honor one's father and mother if there has been emotional and verbal abuse?

By grace, which is the operating principle behind everything we do.

Since the God we love commanded it, we are to show our parents respect, reverence, and obedience in the Lord (i.e., according to his will, and for his sake, and motivated by love for him). Do they deserve it? Not always. But, then again, that is sort of what grace is all about. It is unmerited favor. Parents who were abusive control freaks don't deserve the love and forgiveness of their children. However, we don't deserve God's love and forgiveness, either—and yet he lavishes it upon us.

That is grace. And it's the operating principle in the life of a Christian. We love and forgive others, not because they deserve it—they often don't— but rather because we have been forgiven, even though we never deserved it. The forgiven heart is a forgiving heart.

Keep in mind that forgiveness does not mean condoning or excusing the abuser's actions. Rather, forgiveness is about letting go of the resentment, anger, and desire for revenge that can consume your emotional well-being, a way of liberating yourself from the burdens of the past. It also doesn't necessarily require reconciliation or maintaining a close relationship with the abuser.

And that raises an important point. It must be underscored that the safety and well-being of those who were abused in some way by their parents should always be the top priority. It is often necessary to establish physical and emotional boundaries to protect yourself from further harm (e.g., limited contact). You should also seek healing and support, which can sometimes require professional therapy and counseling. Guided support groups can also be beneficial, connecting with others who have had similar experiences. Abuse can also erode a person's sense of self-worth and identity, so personal growth can involve rediscovering and nurturing your true self as defined by God, separating your self from the trauma and the identity imposed by the abuser (e.g., you are not worthless, but rather a child of the living God).